Fleet Marine Life #53 – Roommates
Fuck, I hated having roommates. Whenever you get new roommates, it’s like you’re gambling. Except if you lose, you end up suffering for like half a year. You may get someone who’s smelly, annoying, loud, a Klepto, prone to trouble, financially in trouble, an alcoholic, messy or all of the above. And in the Marine Corps, you usually end up in trouble for not taking care of your significant other.
I remember one time my roommate came back into my room and he was drinking underage. So I did the right thing and wasted my time by making sure he didn’t get out of the room. An underage drinking charge is pretty much a guaranteed NJP and will fuck up one’s career for months. So I looked out for him even though I didn’t have to.
One time, I was roommates with this broke-dick Marine when he made this Skype call to his girlfriend. The conversation went like this…
Crying Girl : You’re not making this relationship work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want me to do…
Crying Girl : You should know!
Marine : I don’t know if you don’t tell me…
Crying Girl : You’re not trying to make this work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want…
This went on for 10 minutes and it was awkward as fuck. It was like one of those moments where you’re stuck and you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I leave? No wait… the conversation has got to end soon…” And then more time passes and you think to yourself, “It’s got to end soon… any minute now…” I told him that maybe it’s not meant to be and he said he was going to hit me. Whatever.
I hate living around Marines. They’re always fucking drunk and breaking shit that’s already broken. Like my bicycle that’s outside my door. Thank you, Marines. I really didn’t need to be able to change gears. In Okinawa, I would wake up at 2 AM in the morning because some drunk dumbass pulled the fire alarm. This shit usually happens twice a month. It’s funny at first but IT GETS OLD.
In California, I was given a room that had a roommate already in it. Or so they thought. I kept up the charade until I deployed. Those 3 months were the best 3 months of barracks life that I have ever experienced. Peace, quiet and space.
After the Marine Corps, I have vowed to never have roommates again. Period.
Getting shitty roommates since 1775.
at least you only had 2 person rooms. i’m stuck with two others room mates in an old staff barracks..
I had a roommate that chewed snuff. Sure, lots of Marines chew. This guy had overflowing spit cans everywhere and only picked them up on Field Day. The room stank like mint. One night I was next to the rack and my foot hits something underneath. I hear a watery ‘clunk’ and look underneath. Yup, my foot hit a full spit can and tipped it over. I had my roomie cleaning up spilled spit and told him that if I found any spit cans laying around again that they would be emptied on his bed. 30 years later and I still can’t stand the smell of that stuff.
I had a friend like that, except he used a gallon water jug so the odor was just putrid.
You also forgot to mention that the company these kind of roommates keep are usually just like them. DOUBLE TROUBLE! DUN NANANANANA!
this is why people get married to anything and everything to break out of the barracks and not be forced to eat shit at the chow hall
I tripped an fell on a nail. I went pretty deep into my thigh. I pulled it out with some pliers and went on with my day. Needless to say, that nail infected my bloodstream. I had a fever of 104.9 degrees when they took me to the ER at Balboa. Pretty bad, but that led to the best times I had in the marines. Sad isn’t it?
Shit happens… I knew a guy that tripped into C-wire in Afghanistan within the first 2 weeks. He de-gloved his hand and got sent back home. He went back to Afghanistan later.
The best time I ever had in the marines was when I had blood poisoning. Sad isn’t it? I had to have emergency surgery and required a month long stay at Balboa medhold barracks. All rooms were SNCO rooms, so we each had our own room. We had maids who cleaned the kitchen and bathroom area. We were not allowed to work or do working parties as were all broken. Our job was to go to our medical appointments. To top it all off, I had a one inch deep wound in my thigh, so they prescribed all the percocet I needed, which was a lot with a wound like that. While there I played Resident Evil video games about 6 hours a day and watched movies in the small theater for a month. At first I only took the percocet when I was in pain, but they told me to take it every 4 hours as that keeps the pain at bay and prevents inflammation as it has tylenol in it, so I spent a month on an almost constant percocet buzz by order of the doctor.
What happened to you?
I had an abcess which led to blood poisoning. By the time they realized something was wrong I had a fever of 104.9 and I passed out. I woke up at balboa.
Yea I hate those roommates who drink a whole bottle of seagrams sweet tea and start rambling on about staff ncos and piss and pukes all over themselves
I’d say he’s having a good time.
i know what u mean elf. and that same room mate grinds puke and cookies in ur carpet on a sunday night and u come home to find them passed out in a puddle of their own puke
Sounds like fun.